Sunday, May 14, 2017

Evidence in defence of stark positions.

Herein is the proof of my previous complaints

So I was wishing my mother-in-law a happy Mother's day, and I thought to myself that I really can't accept my own behavior unless I attempt ( at least try to contact) to contact my mother. I said some harsh things earlier and now here is an example, and my interpretation for you. Recall the Noble Eightfold Path: right speech, right action, right intention.  Attempting to increase global happiness and decrease global sorrow.

I first tried directly contacting her.  I don't know her phone number because she moved and hasn't alerted me to where she is. I think she lives in Colorado but I can't be certain.  Even her 91-year old mother doesn't have any contact with her for over 4 years. I am not embellishing.

Then I tried Facebook, as only Facebook can offer, to directly message my mother.  I am blocked, no contact.

So I told my wife, Laura, and she attempted a kind message on my behalf. There was no ulterior motive to my well wishes.

Here is the response:

Now, this may seem innocuous and to be fair one can suggest I am reaching, but here what I believe she meant.

First, I am the originator of the well wishes. I am not referred to at all directly in the response. Doesn't that seem odd?  I am her oldest son.

Second, Laura is referred to with hers.  Her family. I am apart from my mother.  I am not "of the body" - to a narcissist when you sever a person from your life they are beyond your interest and beyond you. You don't need to treat non-body members with the same respect.

Third. While the response is an attempt to meet the normative standards of being nice in return, it expressly doesn't meet the requestor's (mine) needs - on purpose. It is an attempt to seem nice without conceding anything the originator hopes for.  No "I am doing great", no " we are all wonderful" and so on. 

This response is an attempt to appear nice but not be nice, not nice at all.

You see, appearances are of primary importance to a bitchface because they can't afford negative sentiment towards themselves or their actions. They can't appear to be miserable or unpleasant where it can show who they really are on the inside.

Why can I state this? Because the easiest and most socially acceptable way to respond is some variant of,

"Thank David, I hope he is well."  


"Thanks, I am having a great day."

 That is the easiest, simplest, considerate, direct way to handle an uncomfortable difficult situation.  It's the fewest words, contains all the right sentiments, and is about all normal as expected. It's the high EQ, simple solution. It is easiest for someone defusing a tense situation.

But she CAN'T bring herself to utter them. Think about that.

The proof lies twofold, there is NO information in return. No attempt at mutual sharing, no insight into how she is doing. 

Second, this is my mother and she never, ever asked about her son.

Here is how my mother-in-law responded to my well-wishes:
"Thanks sorry missed your call. How are you?"
Notice the difference?

Why am I picking on my mother on Mother's Day? I am not, she has no idea I am writing this and I am not attempting anything other than informing poor men who might be on the verge of suicide because their ex-wife or ex-partner is treating them badly. If their ex is like this they are in for more nasty treatment and they need to be prepared.

I am living proof that some of those people have a real complaint at how they are treated, and that they must accept and be prepared for more of the same without change because this is what they could be in for. If you know someone going through a messy breakup or divorce, please tell them about this.