mathjax

Friday, October 21, 2016

The Plight of the Gecko

The following excerpt is what I deal with on a weekly basis, perhaps monthly basis from an ex-wife that was so difficult to deal with it took lawyers, years and a pile of cash to resolve. So why is it not over?  Well, read my book to understand that sometimes it's more to do with the type of personality your ex has than anything within reason you are trying to do. Am I saying I am a saint, hardly, but I can tell you I tried every reasonable tactic before I get to the point where I use the strategies I talk about in my book.   Over a ten year struggle I learned through empiricism how to handle her mentally to avoid stress on the kids. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Sometimes it means tragic emotional personal sacrifices. Sometimes I chose not to see my kids at an event so I don't stress them out with 2 parents present.


I explain in my book how I became a Buddhist in part to try and make things work better, even though sometimes this is the best "workable" I will ever get to.  Peace is illusory at best and change is constant. If you deal with someone this extreme you have to prepare yourself for the reality that might be the least worst outcome you strive for every day.



In the email trail below, I shit you not, this is about my ex-wife demanding to be in control of who feeds a gecko on her week and I just want to ensure the gecko doesn't lose his tail. At least that's what it's about from my perspective. I'm not trying to win, I wasn't even doing this to sell books, I just want to make sure my kids doesn't lose her pet. Or the tail.

I've altered the emails and names but the words and email progression is exactly as it happened.

You will note I (Dave)  start making things personal and my ex-wife (Michelle)  doesn't like it. That's because IT WORKS. Not that I am being mean for a selfish personal reason, but if you show what a bitchface looks like to a bitchface, that is the biggest driver stopping his or her bad behaviour; in this case from preventing that person from neglecting a child's needs - in this case to practice responsibility and love for a pet.  Bitchfaces are narcissistic and don't like people exposing their behavior. They like their self-constructed façade.

For me the personal battle is over, I won. I got the house and 50% custody of my 2 girls. I try to remind myself what it is I am fighting for and it's not personal glory or indignity to my ex. I really really just want to live in peace, but some people can't see they are their own worst enemy when it comes to others' needs.

Remember, I did offer to drive and I had to remind my ex-wife to help feed a pet. It wouldn't surprise me if she hoped it died so she could suggest I killed it. That's not unrealistic and I'm not saying that to make me look better.

What a bitchface can't see is that they insert themselves into situations that they don't need to and they do it for personal reasons. My ex-wife is literally and figuratively inserting herself into the care and welfare of a gecko - just so she can play the victim and complain I am stalking her, harassing her, embarrassing her, maninpulating her, accusing her, ... do you see the pattern I see?  Do you see why someone needs to stop her from acting in a way that harms kids, by whatever legal way exists?

It's all about HER attention, for her. She can't see how other people see what she's doing.  What normal ex-parent takes on the responsibility for a pet at the other parent's house?  Not a normal one is the simplest answer. And my divorce was anything but normal.


If you know someone going through something like this, you may want to tell them about this book.



 
The following excerpt is what I deal with on a weekly basis, perhaps monthly basis from an ex-wife that was so difficult to deal with it took lawyers, years and a pile of cash to resolve. So why is it not over?  Well, read my book to understand that sometimes it's more to do with the type of personality your ex has than anything within reason you are trying to do. Am I saying I am a saint, hardly, but I can tell you I tried every reasonable tactic before I get to the point where I use the strategies I talk about in my book. 


I explain in my book how I became a Buddhist in part to try and make things work better, even though sometimes this is the best "workable" I will ever get to.  Peace is illusory at best and change is constant. If you deal with someone this extreme you have to prepare yourself for the reality that might be the least worst outcome you strive for every day.


In the email trail below, I shit you not, this is about my ex-wife demanding to be in control of who feeds a gecko on her week and I just want to ensure the gecko doesn't lose his tail. At least that's what it's about from my perspective. I'm not trying to win, I wasn't even doing this to sell books, I just want to make sure my kids doesn't lose her pet. Or the tail.

I've altered the emails and names but the words and email progression is exactly as it happened. Sorry if the format is a little stilted, my ex-wife thinks that by responding in a new email I have forgotten or it will get missed what she said in previous ones.  Again, I'm not kidding.

You will note I (Dave)  start making things personal and my ex-wife (Michelle)  doesn't like it. That's because IT WORKS. Not that I am being mean for a selfish personal reason, but if you show what a bitchface looks like to a bitchface, that is the biggest driver stopping his or her bad behaviour; in this case from preventing that person from neglecting a child's needs - in this case to practice responsibility and love for a pet.  Bitchfaces are narcissistic and don't like people exposing their behavior. They like their self-constructed façade.

Remember, I did offer to drive and I had to remind my ex-wife to help feed a pet. It wouldn't surprise me if she hoped it died so she could suggest I killed it. That's not unrealistic and I'm not saying that to make me look better.


If you know someone going through something like this, you may want to tell them about this book.


  



-------- Forwarded Message --------
Subject:     Fwd: Re: Darcy's Gecko
Date:     Fri, 21 Oct 2016 12:02:59 -0600
From:     Dave Desperate <daveDesperate@blank.com
To:     Neil <neo1971@blank.com, Michelle Exhibit <michelleExhibit@blank.com, Laura Desperate <laura_Desperate@blank.com


Hey I'm willing to try anything to talk to a reasonable person.

Neil;

We bought a gecko for Darcy and she really loves it. We don't want his tail to fall off if he's malnourished so we offered to drive Darcy to and from feeding it. We did this not for any other reason than the medical emergency of a gecko's well being. We took on the responsibility so we expected to help her.

Can you please explain to your wife in terms she will understand that we regret making things more difficult for her but we want Darcy to practice responsibility and I spill the crickets on the floor. I was the one that allowed Darcy to go to your dad's birthday dinner, I assume that was him in court for that fiasco, I learned of Michelle ordering Darcy to come to my house behind my back and I was furious she would be so hypocritical and stress a child.

But I did not do anything to stop it in the spirit of cooperation and peace. I did not stress Darcy out, I played along. I hope it was a good birthday party.

So I would like to work with you to make sure Darcy can keep the pet she loves complete with a tail.

Thank you,

Dave




-------- Forwarded Message --------
Subject:     Re: Darcy's Gecko
Date:     Fri, 21 Oct 2016 09:55:58 -0600 (MDT)
From:     Michelle Exhibit <michelleExhibit@blank.com
To:     Dave Desperate <daveDesperate@blank.com


If there is a medical emergency you can contact Neil.

From: "Dave Desperate" <daveDesperate@blank.com
To: "Michelle Exhibit" <michelleExhibit@blank.com, "Laura Desperate" <laura_Desperate@blank.com, "DAVE Desperate" <daveDesperate@blank.com
Sent: Friday, October 21, 2016 9:08:56 AM
Subject: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Re: Darcy's Gecko

And while you think you are discussing reasonably, you haven't answered a single question, you haven't provided a single alternative, offered no explanation for alcoholic parties I don't agree with, but want to warn us that you will block us at the slightest discomfort.  Thanks for more evidence you aren't acting reasonably. You signed a contract you are breaking because you don't act in a co-parenting manner; you act like you are in charge. But you aren't and you're not cooperating either. Explain why that's not offensive?

You want to change the optics then work on solutions not blame.

The gecko needs to be fed every 2 days and you need to participate or you need to accept that we will do it for you. What you didn't get is that we took on the job because we didn't involve you in the decision and as reasonable people we didn't speak for you nor expect you to be responsible for it. It was YOU that made yourself part of it by making it hard for Darcy to get here. You could have said it's our job to get Darcy, that would have been reasonable.  We honestly thought we should look after the gecko because it was here, I didn't think you should be responsible for it. I didn't ask for any help because we didn't need it. You are the one making it harder on yourself
and the reason why doesn't make sense. By making yourself part of it if the gecko dies if Darcy doesn't feed him your week then you're part of the reason. If you leave it up to us, it's never your problem.

We are talking about a living creature's needs. And I suck at feeding it, I drop the crickets on the floor.

There is nothing abusive other than your viewpoint. If you show up on time and the gecko is fed you don't have to worry about your feelings and I don't have to deal with a dead gecko and a sad Darcy. If I need to email to remind you then you aren't acting like a parent - so it looks like I need to remind me.

Darcy was so stressed about asking you for a ride to the gecko. That's not me, nor my actions, that's on you.

Thanks,

Dave

On 2016-10-21 08:37 AM, Michelle Exhibit wrote:


    In order for any required communication to continue we must keep emotion and personal feelings out of the exchange.  Keep it to the relative facts - not opinions. Failure to do so will result in important information not being relayed by either parent.  I will not accept any communications that are abusive, harassing, critical, or unnecessary.

    I have no issue with blocking either or both of you if this continues, and I am well within my rights to do so.  It is up to you to ensure the path of communication remains open.


    Michelle

 From: Laura Desperate <laura_Desperate@blank.com
 Date: October 20, 2016 at 12:07:49 PM MDT
 To: Michelle Exhibit <michelleExhibit@blank.com
 Subject: Re: Darcy's Gecko

 Yes I can see that you have been terrorizing her about this issue. I offered to her today when she told me about her dentist appointment.
 She was very upset that I offered that and made some ridiculous excuses as to why I am not allowed to take her and help her. Very stressed about the issue, wow what a joke. Poor kid😔shame on you super mom.

 Sent from my iPhone

 On Oct 20, 2016, at 11:59 AM, Michelle Exhibit <michelleExhibit@blank.com wrote:

 No, I didn't agree to that - I will take her out there when needed as I have been.



 As I said to Dave - stop emailing me.

 From: "Laura Desperate" <laura_Desperate@blank.com
 To: "David Desperate" <David.Desperate@work.com
 Cc: "Michelle Exhibit" <michelleExhibit@blank.com, daveDesperate@blank.com
 Sent: Thursday, October 20, 2016 10:11:57 AM
 Subject: Re: Darcy's Gecko

 Ok so tues./ thurs after school it is. I'm sure Darcy will be relieved that there is a solid plan in place
 Thanks for the cooperation🐸

 Sent from my iPhone

  On Oct 20, 2016, at 9:24 AM, Desperate, David <David.Desperate@work.com wrote:

  Michelle:

  So you are not going to answer any of my questions, as per the DIVORCE & PROPERTY AGREEMENT?
  You are refusing to communicate with me to act as a co-parent? You blocked my text messages, you block my
  phonecalls, now you are blocking my email, and you are acting as a reasonable parent in a co-parenting
  environment.  Why do you listen to a lawyer's advice over just being a reasonable person? You can't be reasonable
  without lawyer involvement?

  What would judge think of a lawyer telling her client not to co-parent as agreed to? That's breach of contract.

  You can't demand that I stop trying to repair my relationship with Rayleigh, the fact you hide her is the very REASON
  why she fears what doesn't exist. It is part and parcel of the parental alienation campaign you are conducting
  and the documentation of this email below proves it.

  Please just be reasonable, you have sued me twice, all I want is reasonable behaviour on both sides. Please just tell
  Darcy it's OK to come over any time to feed the pet she loves.

  Thanks,

  Dave

  From: Michelle Exhibit [michelleExhibit@blank.com]
  Sent: Thursday, October 20, 2016 9:18 AM
  To: Desperate, David
  Subject: Re: Darcy's Gecko


  I have been advised not to engage in conversation with you.



  Stop emailing me.

  Stop messaging Rayleigh.


  ________________________________

  From: "David Desperate" <David.Desperate@work.com
  To: "Laura Desperate" <laura_Desperate@blank.com, "Dave Desperate" <daveDesperate@blank.com
  Cc: "Michelle Exhibit"

  Sent: Thursday, October 20, 2016 6:53:10 AM
  Subject: RE: Darcy's Gecko

  I think that just agreeing Michelle would demonstrate reasonable behavior for a cause
  that obviously isn't important to you and requires you to do nothing than to support it.

  So let's see you get ridiculous....

  D.R. Desperate
  ________________________________________
  From: Laura Desperate [laura_Desperate@blank.com]
  Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2016 10:05 PM
  To: Dave Desperate
  Cc: Michelle Exhibit
  Subject: Re: Darcy's Gecko

  I will bring Darcy here every Tues and Thursday after school. We will stop and get crickets. She will be ready at the door for her mom to pick her up after work.

  Simple solution, easy consistent and no stress!
  Can we agree on this?


  Sent from my iPhone

-------- Forwarded Message --------
Subject:     Re: Fwd: Re: Darcy's Gecko
Date:     Wed, 19 Oct 2016 20:14:27 -0600
From:     Dave Desperate <daveDesperate@blank.com
To:     Michelle Exhibit <michelleExhibit@blank.com, Laura Desperate

The one thing you can be proud of with your daughters is
they are so used to being disappointed they just cover for you
without complaining about their needs left out.

Dave

On 2016-10-19 08:08 PM, Dave Desperate wrote:


 I offered to get crickets today. Darcy said you would get them.

 Laura offered to get crickets today. Darcy said you would get them.

 The gecko needs to eat fucking crickets to make sure he is healthy.
 It's not up to you to ignore what your daughter needs.

 Darcy comes through the door and immediately "oh no I'm feeding him
 worms" to cover for the fact you don't give a shit about her needs and
 didn't care to help her until I demand you act like her mother.

 I could have gotten crickets and left them in the cage for her.

 If he loses his tail it's on you for your selfishness.



 On 2016-10-19 07:41 PM, Dave Desperate wrote:
 This is one more example of your dysfunctional co-parenting cooperation.

 Darcy wanted a gecko, we went and learned about them and she promised
 to come and feed him on time. The animal planet staff explained that
 he must be fed every 2-3 days, one of
 the possible outcomes that might happen if he isn't fed is he might
 not grow or he might lose his tail.

 Me and Laura have offered to bring her over if it is a problem so her
 gecko is fed on time, not commenting in any way on any issue other
 than that. We aren't making it difficult for Darcy to help her gecko.

 We ask her if she needs a ride, she gets stressed because she feels
 like she has to check in with you. She has to ask and you make it a
 stressful event for her to deal with. She can't ask us for a ride at
 some easy time like afterschool so you don't have to be burdened by a
 task we agreed to help her with. Instead you insist to force her to go
 to you. You have no problem telling her to come over for a dinner,
 without my knowledge and in contravention of your agreement on my
 week, but refuse to allow us just to help Darcy for 20 minutes. You
 make this about you, we just want to help the gecko.

 So either offer to let her find ways to do it without your imperial
 approval, and she will not be so stressed in how you make her feel.

 Thanks,

 Dave